Monday, December 27, 2010

I hope I am just tired and not sick.
My body hurts.
Honestly..I think I am just severely depressed.
I have been fighting it for DAYS.
I walk around angry because I am so sad and I cannot tell Mike.
He wouldn't understand.
He truly does not understand depression.
Then I get angry because God is amazing and I have so many reasons to be JOYFUL and HOPEFUL and I hate when this depressed feeling is "winning"

If I told people that I was suicidal..they would not believe me.
I am not going to do anything...
but I do have thoughts.
They come and go, really quick.
I hear words from my mother and sister and they keep going on and on and on in my head
Add words from Sophia and they replay on and on..
I am so tired...
I just want rest.

I know that is where Jesus comes in..
he says COME TO ME YOU WHO ARE WEARY AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST.
I need His rest.

I was switching laundry and Zachary brought me a package from the mail..
Joyve Meyer sent me a free DON'T GIVE UP lesson...DVDs and a workbook and book.
It was a THANK YOU for support this year..
I was surprised..because, yes, I send her support, but I am not a "PARTNER" like with a monthly commitment...
I guess it came in due time
God needs me to NOT GIVE UP because He has a huge plan for my life and it's not about me, it's about Him.

but that doesn't mean that I have to sit and be a doormat and let people treat me like crap and just act like nothing happened..
or maybe it does.

we'll see.

2 comments:

  1. You are a strong woman Robbie. This world is made of many people who do not stop to think at what they have done to hurt others and when it's family, it hurts the worst.

    Thoughts, words, and actions of others can take so much away from our soul. It turns the light out, but you are the light ROBBIE...in your smile, your heart, your words, in everything about the unique you!

    Remember the song Voice of Truth? It took me years before I actually liked that song. I guess I never really liked the tune or beat of it, but once I chose to listen, really listen, I heard the truth. The truth IS what IT IS and no mother, sister, or daughter can take that away from you!

    Continue to listen to the voice of truth and be the shining light he created in you to be!

    I love you:)

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  2. :) You are soooooo right..THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

    I don't know how I ever get "down" with the best friends in the world! ;p

    and I know what you mean about VOICE OF TRUTH..and the "beat"..that is how I was with FACE OF LOVE..one of my FAVORITES...I had to HEAR it to fall in love with it...

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