I think it would be best if I didn't speak today because I don't feel like a bundle of joy

it's nearing THAT time and I have this HUGE and I am NOT exaggerating....HUGE pimple like creature on my forehead and it hurts...and there is an almost matching one on my chin....and I literally want to say "my face hurts" because it DOES but I can hear the crowd say "it's killing me!" :P

I have successfully exhausted myself...but I am going to wrap up this pity party and go upstairs...I am going to drink a cup of coffee in silent peace and then I am either going to lay down and nap or I am going to grab a ladder and paint brush and go finish priming the girls' bedroom :) (right now I am leaning towards the nap!)

What a whirlwind :)

Where to start?

I guess from today and I will go backwards :)

actually, I just looked at the clock and I don't have time to talk!  ;p

Be back later :)

ok, so how real is the possiblity of moving???
I could say "not at all" BUT I won't. :D

I have set my sights on moving....and even if it is not to Ft. Smith..Mike and I want to move out of here anyway...BUT!!!!! FORT SMITH WOULD BE THE BEST MOST AWESOME PLACE TO GO AND I HOPE WE CAN GO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so since we spoke last...
I have been acting as if we are moving...we are packing and throwing stuff away....
Friday I will paint and Saturday..my girlfriend is keeping the boys for us so we can take the rest of the wallpaper down from these walls....3 bathrooms and our bedroom....UNBELIEVABLE!!!!! It takes talk about moving to get us to move. :P We have lived in this house for FOUR years as is....and now we are going to make it pretty like we would have liked it to sell it...THIS IS THE 3RD TIME WE ARE DOING THIS! LOL...

worst case scenerio...we end up staying here in a pretty house....that is not a bad scenerio....you all know I loooooove my ZUMBA girls :)
but Mike has wanted to sell this house since we bought it sooooo, I will work on it..we will put it on the the market and PRAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY that God sends someone who LOOOOOOOVEs it and will buy it :)

I got online and looked at houses in Fort Smith and it was so funny...if I saw carpet or wallpaper, I just kept going...I don't care how FAB the house is...we aren't doing it again! :) lol

I am going to go watch THE VOICE now...and dream about moving to Fort Smith, and smile :)

A man e-mailed Mike today that there is a position in FORT SMITH ,ARKANSAS!!!!!!

I COULD NOT WANT ANYTHING MORE THAN THAT!!!!!

PA LEEEEEEASE GOD????????? PLEEEEEASE????????

All I need is a miracle :)

I have not sat down today.
I have painted until the can ran dry....
no the kitchen is not finished..but it's well on it's way.

Mike is on his way home.

I am going to attempt to make some rice milk...

I have not even come close to sharing how stupid crazy my last two weeks of life have been....because EVERYONE'S eyes would glaze over like a donut...SERIOUSLY! but I really really really really reeeeeeaaaaaaallllllyyyyyyyy hope this crap is calming down!!!!!! FOR REEEEEEAAAAAAL!!!!!

I am such a strong girl but mygosh I have been beat up badly lately and I am done..

*WAVING WHITE FLAG* DONE!

:) soooooo THERE! :)

let's see what this week looks like

Today was Mike's birthday and it was good off and on...ended on good note, so Yay.

Tomorrow is Father's Day. I am sending Mike and the young children to his parents and I am staying home and painting the kitchen.  We are funny like that. He spent Mother's Day building me a rock wall so I am painting a kitchen. :)

I PRAY we can find a job OUT OF TOWN and get AS FAR AWAY FROM HERE AS POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will continue to work on this house until that day comes (IT NEEDS A LOT! :/)

Monday...weather permitting...water park and ZUMBA at night :)
Tuesday.....Daytime Zumba and........The Voice at night :)
Wednesday......weather permitting...water park and CHURCH :) :) :)
Thursday...day and night ZUMBA..(Thursdays are hard...but I love them)
Friday....HOLY MOLY!!!! I JUST FOUND A BLANK SQUARE IN MY CALENDAR!!! SHUUUT UP!!!!
Saturday....I have it written in my calendar that I am having dinner with some church people but I don't know where or what time?????
Sunday..a surprise party :)

ok...so somewhere in there..I need to schedule time to REGISTER MY SON FOR KINDERGARTEN
and practice some ZUMBA for a new playlist before I get voted off the ZUMBA island from my chicas. :P (I am so ready to put out a new DVD...Waaaaaay overdue!)

oh! and Friday was going to be my new paint day...so square filled again :P :) :) LOL

so I have to tell you....a day of silence for me is HUGE! and I had one....I should have taken a picture of it..but on my wrist I had 'I WILL NOT TALK ABOUT IT' so I wouldn't...and everytime I got the urge I wrote over it again....I was like this crazy tongue hanging out with ink poison fool keeping my mouth shut...LOL!!!!!!

I have to go because it is 11:23pm and I need to pack for my daughters..they are going to their Grandparents for the week for VBS....

oh! That is what else I needed to add to our schedule...how I am getting them back???? lol

 it was brought to my attention that appears I was "talking trash" on my daughters...
 the part about Alex being in Hawaii and me not speaking to her...I went back and read it and I can see how it could have been taken "mad" especially since I didn't have my 1000 smileys :P but all I was saying is I had not talked to her except for when I told her about her report card.....meaning she must have been super busy to talk...and the reason I wasn't going to be offended if she didn't want to tell me about her trip, is because we weren't on the best terms when she left...that's all :)

and if you read the comment my dear friend left me on my last post :) We spoke and my last post was also unclear on what I was saying about my daughters :) I was speaking more from the stand point of the Serenity Prayer..accepting things I cannot change :)

anyway  :) that's all :) Just a quick update...
I really want to start video journaling!!! :P

I wonder if I make Life harder than it needs to be...or if Life is just Crazy no matter who you are...or maybe it depends on your parents or grandparents or support group ... for life to not be CRAAAZY. :P

I got on here to NOT give my sob story...because I don't want to relive it.....but

Alex wanting to move to my Mom's....I have no control over what Alex wants to do and I have no control over her psycho grandma offering  that....so what can I change in this situation???? nothing.....

Sophia moving to my mom's, getting fake diploma, getting 2 door car paying $250/month on insurance alone, getting into beauty college early with grant, to get kicked out, lose grant, owe money, no college certificate, now pregnant with guy she doesn't love..no school, no job, no home (because NOW she can't live there...well, I think she can until the baby comes)...none of that is in my control....right????? and we already discussed being angry at my mom is a waste of time...so okay....moving on

Last week Sophia tried telling me..the same as Alex, that my mom isn't that bad..that she really thinks that everything is okay....she just really wants to be a part of her grandchildrens' lives.....she doesn't understand WHY I won't let her see the younger 4.....Sophia and Alex BOTH try sticking up for this lady....!!!!! For one moment I would like to play the role of my mother when my daughters have their children...so they can understand for ONE MOMENT!!!!  mooooving on......so Sophia told me Grandma thinks everything is okay...because Grandma didn't do anything wrong.....and she asked Sophia "what did I do wrong?"

well, NOW, Grandma is not going to the hospital when Sophia's child is born..because I will be there :) Thank you Jesus!!!!! The funniest part about it is she said she would wait for the circus to leave.....

OK, clown!

ok, vent time over.

My storytelling at VBX was hysterical and I am soooooooo happy it is over and I will NOT volunteer for that again! LOL!!!!

The storytime was 20 minutes long but my story only took 2 minutes....and it wasn't something that I could really throw my comedy act into...so 2 minutes in....this sweet little kindergartner boy raises his hand and I, so excited to have a question to answer, say "yes?" and he asks "HOW LONG DO WE HAVE TO BE HERE????" my heart sank and into the mike I say "I NEED HELP!"  :) lol

Alex is leaving Hawaii today...I don't know that I even said that she was going .. I know I mentioned it on Facebook. Anyway..she has been in Hawaii for 9 days...I have not heard from her...well, I texted her to tell her that her report card came and that she did an excellent job...she texted me back asking if I could snap a pic and send it....that's it. She may or may not want to share her stories with me when she gets home....I won't be offended if she chooses not to.

Saturday....Sophia spent a couple of hours with me at the mall.....we went to American Eagle and she picked out clothes for me. :) It was fun :)

Mike's birthday is this Saturday. I don't know what we are doing. I know I have a sitter from 2-8.

I have a houseful of children yelling and throwing stuff and just plain hating each other..I feel defeated and think their behavior has become worse since attending VBX. :P I know it is tiring. They perform tonight at church and then tomorrow is the last day....

Friday a girlfriend has asked for Zach and Siler. She said the girls can go if they want. I was planning on painting another section of the kitchen so that is AWESOME!  I guess I didn't mention on here that last Friday, I got a WILD hair and pulled out the paint and painted a good portion of the kitchen while Mike was out of town, AGAIN.

My novel gets better everyday that goes by....that is what I know.

Looking forward to next week...I feel like MAAAYBE the kids summer"break" will begin next week. I hope so.

I really hope I get time to come spill a lot...this has been the most crazy 4 days of my life, I think...maybe not...but definitely top 10 crazy weeks....none are popping in my mind that were worse.

Right now. my main focus is getting some stories memorized for VBX Vacation Bible eXperience :) At the time I volunteered, it sounded right..now I am not so sure...but I am committed and it will be fine..I just hate that I am wanting it OVER...I hope to take a deep breath and be excited about it, not dreading it. :)

Amy, if you are reading this..THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Guys...Amy (my quiet Zumba girl you all know about) has been such a HUGE blessing in my life....
Today she brought me flowers and put my fan together (for the ZUMBA PARTY ROOM)

well, I am going to go get a massage..I am going to go early and take my script with me...

talk to you soon

What are your thoughts about a company sending a coed group to Destin Florida to "bond" for 4 days without their spouses?

sit down, grab the popcorn, you are about to get an ear full

If you haven't read my last post...I tell about my mother who has now offered Alex a place to live....if you have no idea what that means...it means..she already let one of my teenage daughters move in and now she is ready for the next...

You would think I am sitting here with needle holes in my arms or DFS charges against me or something...why would a grandmother keep wanting to take her daughter's children???? Even IF (and that is a huge IF) she could do a "better" job....why???

well.....there is no more time or energy to waste being angry at this woman God gave me as a mother...because now my daughter is pregnant...

and just as I became a Mother NOTHING LIKE MY MOTHER...now I will learn to be a Grandmother NOTHING LIKE MY MOTHER!....

With all the things I have going through my head...I thought this would turn into a novel...the things I could say. but there is no more time for negative words...my daughter will know the truth...soon enough

I just want my 5 other children protected from here on out....

I pray Alex is not already sucked in...I wish I would have never told her she could have a relationship with that lady as soon as she could drive herself.

My friend asked me "if Sophia knew all these things about your mother and what she did to you, why did she go there?"

oh the things my mom had to offer her....

a house with no siblings
a cleaning lady
a phone with bells and whistle (remember when she left here , she never had texting...her Father PROTECTING her AS LONG AS HE COULD)
a laptop in her room (never allowed here)
she got  to go to colleges for the weekend
Ozarks with boys
expensive purses
manicures
massages
dinners at restaurants
and my friend blurts out
"pregnancy"

well, the GOOD NEWS is...

this child will save Sophia's life.

Sophia saved mine.

I was headed in a place that I shouldn't have went.

Sophia was headed there too, QUICKLY .

There was nothing I could do about it...

The things I said to her in my head..because she wasn't under my roof anymore..I had no say....and when I told her the truth...that she was not a good example to her siblings...she didn't want to hear it...and I couldn't make her...

ok...Robbie...focus....

She is going to be a good mom...

She had a good example.

My past may have been super slim shady

but I KNOW, as a Mother...I did a great job. :) :) :) Thank you God....Thank you!!! I could NOT have done it without YOU.

5:52am

1001 things flying through my head

1.) Mike has not texted me saying he is seated on the plane...it  departs at 6am....

2.) it's Zach's birthday..he is 6 years old and an awesome sweetheart and my heart melts just thinking about him :P

3.) I got a manicure the day before Mother's Day and I got this gel nail polish..I can't get it off so now I am going to have to go back to have it removed and my nails are in sad shape so I need to do it soon.

4.) first ZUMBA class in home tonight

5.) my heart is breaking AGAIN. Alexandria came home last night..pretty judgemental about me not speaking to my mom....her Father and I gave her several examples of why we don't...
if she were to ask my mom what I have done to her....my mom could not give her anything...I know it...or if she did

5:59 Mike just texted and he just sat down on the plane! ONE MINUTE BEFORE DEPARTURE!

anyway...if she did..I would OWN UP AND APOLOGIZE! I wouldn't sit there and deny like SOMEONE I KNOW

If my teens would honor their Mother and not complain to THAT lady....complain about me to their friends all they want...but THAT woman does NOT have OUR family's best interest in her heart...
do you know that she has now offered Alex a place to live????
WHO DOES THAT?????
What Grandmother offers her grandchildren that come from a stable home a place to live????
WHY???? because they don't like living here with the young siblings...

oh, and then Alex tells me....."well, at Grandma's we pull out the Bible and look at it" REALLY?!?!?!??! I pull out my Bible just about EVERY morning...They were RAISED on the Bible for heaven's sake
if I said it once I said it 100 times "THESE ARE NOT MY WORDS THEY ARE GOD'S..I DIDN'T MAKE THE RULES!"

My mom tells them...Live it up while you are young...where does it say that in the Bible?????
It says train up a child in the way they should go...
I was about my Father's business at 12 years old....

Jesus didn't "live it up" because He was a teenager....and we are to follow HIS example
and where in the Bible does it say GRANDPARENTS...RESCUE YOUR  GRANDCHILDREN!!!

my daughters break my heart. it's not their fault though, really...they have a very manipulative snake tricking them...and if she ever went to a nonbiased counselor..not one that she has been seeing on her own but one that has never met us....they would tell her so.

I am hurt. I am very hurt....she is forgiven...but I am very hurt...