So Long 2010 :)

it's 11:21
I don't want to stay awake anymore :P
but we are meeting the neighbors in the street for a toast of champaign at midnight
and the kids want to beat the pots and pans :)

I don't know where my calendar is to look back over the year...
the calendar that is currently being used only goes back to July...

off the top of my head
our basement wall caved in and God provided
I got to go on a weekend getaway with a friend to Memphis
Sophia moved out
I became a ZUMBA instructor
we took an AWESOME week long vacation and got to see LOTS of fabulous friends
I got to take ANOTHER fabulous getaway to a girlfriend's in Fort Worth

there's MY personal recap

Mike changed jobs (twice)
Alex turned 16 and is working on getting her license
Samantha broke her arm on the last day of school :( but she started 3rd grade and had a new friend movein next door. :)
Mia started 2nd grade and also had a friend move in next door.
Zach started PRE-K..he is doing great!!!!
Siler also started preK with his big brother..and has started talking, A LOT!

the latest adventure....the dumpster

we filled it..completely.
I didn't know if I should feel ashamed or excited..
Ashamed that we even ad enough stuff to fill it
Excited that the STUFF is out of my house.

I got up this morning and tackled the garage..
it's much better
not completely finished...

it's 11:30
we are all sooooo tired..
I just told the kids to clean their rooms to start the New Year with clean rooms :P
They are exchausted and getting VERY slap happy!!!

Resolutions for this year

Have friends over more often..dinner parties, bon fires..whatever!!!
Mike wants to fish (trout, fly, whatever! ;p), bike more, skeet shoot...

I want to cook. (I WANT TO LIKE TO PREPARE MEALS! lol)
I want to FOLLOW a budget
I don't have a lot of personal goals this year...
be the best Zumba instructor I can be

I think I am going to take back what I just said
I ALWAYS have a lot of personal goals..lol
I am just not going to share all of then at this time...

11:36..I am fading fast...

Lord willing...I have goals for my 40th and 50th years..
I would like to run a marathon when I am 40
and when I am 50 (Zach and Siler will be 18 and 16) I would like to take the family to New York City for New Year's Eve.

The continuing education catalog came and they had a Play the piano in ONE DAY and Play the guitar in ONE DAY..that I would like to take..but we'll see

I also want to get my Personal and Group Training Certifications...I don't know if I am shooting for that this year or next...

Above all I want to do what Matthew 6:33 says "SEEK GOD FIRST" and everything else comes after :)

so there you have it...my goals and bucket list all in one :)

It's 10:00 :)
I just finished playing JUST DANCE 2 on the Wii with Sam and Mia :)
Sooo fun! :)

:) Happy New Year's Eve :)

I will be back to write a novel later today :)

Yesterday was "something" :P

I taught in the morning...had three people...TOTALLY FORGOT A PORTION OF A SONG! There were two girls that were regulars that just laughed and a brand new girl that I begged to not judge me by this first experience :P At the end of class she was smiling super big and said she feels she learned new dance moves to take to the club...*whew!* :P lol

I am in the process of coming up with the next playlist for the next DVD to get sent out...this one will be higher intensity than the last one but will give a good variation for how you are feeling that day :) Light and airy or let's kick some booty :) I am hoping to send it out for Valentine's Day :)

We went to buy an air hockey table from Craigslist last night...we left without it...it was falling apart :/ so the search is still on for one.

on the way home....Mike backed into another vehicle. :( so we will be waiting to hear the damage on that.

Life is still good. :) I am glad to be on "this side"

I am not trying to talk "holier than thou" when I say this....but NO WEAPONS FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER....is what I know...

and God loves me...no matter what people say about me, think about me, no matter what I HAVE or have NOT done....and THAT makes life Great :)

(((((BEAR HUGS))))) to you , my friend! I appreciate the love and support I receive from you. :) :) :) :)

Banana Muffins

This is the 3rd or 4th time I have made these this month. :P they are sooo easy and sooo delicious!!!

mix these together and set aside
1 and 1/4 cup flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp salt

and then mix these together
3 bananas, mashed
3/4 cup sugar ( I just use white..I am thinking about trying the SUGAR in the RAW..I don't know that it would make a difference)
1 egg
and 1/3 cup butter, melted ( I didn't have any butter today so I used coconut oil....they taste fabulous either way)

fold the flour mixture into the banana mixture and scoop into your muffin liners :)

25-30 minutes for large muffins
10-15 for small

25 is always plenty of time for mine

if you know me, you know I do NOT like to be in the kitchen or cooking..but mygosh these are YUMMY!!!
( I am eating one while I type ;p)

and I do wait for my bananas to turn BLACK...that might be the Top Secret to such delicious muffins. :D

Home from Zumba..
had a one hour conversation with a beautiful lady
it brought me to a question..

The last thing I said to my husband this morning was "I am only responsible for my own actions."

but now I am asking myself "WHAT ARE MY MOTIVES?"

ok...mentally I am feeling a lot better..a LOT A LOT A LOT!!! Sorry I chose to drag you through that with me :P'

Physically..I am S O R E...girls..the practice I have put in...and the class I did last night (my hair was shower wet!!!!)
the loads of heavy bags into the dumpster
the big load of firewood
running  through the BOUNCE AROUND last night with Siler (yesterday was Siler's birthday!!)

oh my gosh my body is like YYYYOOOOUUUUUUCCCCCHHHHHHH! lol

Alex watched SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION for the first time yesterday..I didn't have time to watch the whole thing with her but I caught maybe the last 30 minutes??? Such a great movie...

I need to get off here and start some coffee, shower, get ready for class this morning....and then the only thing I know for sure is I have to play a card game with Sam today after ZUMBA..she asked me last night but I was exhausted from all the dancing and I had a headache from &^%&^%&..

Dance
Cards
Mike is going bike riding

that is all I know for today :D

Have a blessed day! :)

RELENTLESS

I felt the need to come back and give God more glory than I gave Him credit for earlier.

I was embarrassed in the first place to blog such personal stuff...fear of being judged...and looking so weak...
but I am not one to lie...
and though not all people share as much as I do (or even have close to the amount of emotions or drama filled lives :P lol)
I am one that shares feelings...and to not share..I feel like I am being "fake" and being "fake" makes me feel like I am "lying"

ok, so there is why I shared such deep feelings...

BUT!!! God came through for me! and I didn't even ask!
It's CRAZY that Joyce sent me a Thank you gift when I am not even a partner!
It's CRAZY that it told me to NEVER GIVE UP when my insides were telling me to GIVE UP..

I called my bestie (momsgonegodly) who reassured me (once again) that I am okay..and as I am telling her about the Joyce gift..I opened it and there was a bracelet inside....
it says RELENTLESS on one side and NEVER GIVE UP on the other...
and it's MY color!!!

people have NO IDEA who they are dancing with when they ZUMBA with me...
From far away...my bracelets look ALL ZUMBA ISH
no sisters..
FREEDOM = from human trafficking
ONE MORE= for always searching for ONE MORE that needs Jesus
and now NEVER GIVE UP..RELENTLESS...God's promise that HE NEVER LETS ME DOWN!

Thank you God! Thank you God! Thank you God! :)

I am going to hold my head up

I am going to continue doing the laundry and dishes and clean the kitchen...

I will beat this feeling.

I have to pay bills...the bank called and said our debit card has been compromised (AGAIN!)
I am going to go back to the cash under the mattress and money orders if it happens a 3rd time :P LOL

I am smiling...see :) I am going to be just fine :) :) :)

I hope I am just tired and not sick.
My body hurts.
Honestly..I think I am just severely depressed.
I have been fighting it for DAYS.
I walk around angry because I am so sad and I cannot tell Mike.
He wouldn't understand.
He truly does not understand depression.
Then I get angry because God is amazing and I have so many reasons to be JOYFUL and HOPEFUL and I hate when this depressed feeling is "winning"

If I told people that I was suicidal..they would not believe me.
I am not going to do anything...
but I do have thoughts.
They come and go, really quick.
I hear words from my mother and sister and they keep going on and on and on in my head
Add words from Sophia and they replay on and on..
I am so tired...
I just want rest.

I know that is where Jesus comes in..
he says COME TO ME YOU WHO ARE WEARY AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST.
I need His rest.

I was switching laundry and Zachary brought me a package from the mail..
Joyve Meyer sent me a free DON'T GIVE UP lesson...DVDs and a workbook and book.
It was a THANK YOU for support this year..
I was surprised..because, yes, I send her support, but I am not a "PARTNER" like with a monthly commitment...
I guess it came in due time
God needs me to NOT GIVE UP because He has a huge plan for my life and it's not about me, it's about Him.

but that doesn't mean that I have to sit and be a doormat and let people treat me like crap and just act like nothing happened..
or maybe it does.

we'll see.

Just unloaded a big load of wood from the van...Mike's dad had it for us Christmas day.
Made a HUGE dent in the basement yesterday! oh my gosh the stuff we threw away!
I will take pictures soon...
the kids have a library and an art studio
I don't know if we have fully decided on getting an air hockey table or not...
we have a foosball table..
I have an area to scrapbook.
and the storage area..is awesome!

the only thing I am not sure about are the older pics I have framed...I OBVIOUSLY do not want  to get rid of them..but I don't want to store them either...I guess I will take them out of the frames and scrapbook them...and maybe reuse the frames? I don't know.

It is really really time to get family pictures!!!

well, I need a shower..I was practicing this morning and now I am sweaty..

I have a TODO list in my mind, as always..but my husband is getting ready to go bike riding so I will PAUSE my brain for a while..and make my list :D

XOXOXOXXOXO
Have a fantabulous day!

............

I should not have worn the "skinny"jeans.
I should have worn maternity jeans.
or maybe I just should not have made the food choices I made. :P
A hot dog from QT on the way to Christmas.
A small piece of mint cake/pie?
A piece of chocolate
Some kind of candied pear?
A date with a nut in it?
and then like 6 cookies on the way home

in my dumb dumb voice "I DON'T KNOW WHY MY TUMMY IS BLOATED" :P

I think I might have one more cookie, go to bed, and start new in the a.m. :D

My Alex was crying in her bathroom this morning because of the "fighting" between our families...
but we AREN'T fighting

*rolling my eyes*

I feel bad for her, I do. but I am sooo frustrated that she can't understand that I put up with it for as many years as I could...
next year she will have a car and she can go visit if she chooses.

LOL...yea, we did NOT go to the basement. :P
Mike had a fire going all day.
The kids did play.
I think I may have made a mistake with the my Christmas present.
I asked for something to convert our family VHS tapes to DVDs
we put in Sophia's 1st birthday home video
I had a lump in my heart the whole time..
and not just because she's gone now...

I don't think I want to revisit the past.

well...shoot.

I guess I am just going to have to get a really great EDIT software and only capture highlights..

I thought it was going to be as easy as pressing PLAY at night before going to bed and then burning a DVD the next morning. :P I am so funny.: )

I am off to make more yummy coffee from my fabulous friend...

Merry Christmas to you. :)
Unto us was born this day, in the city of David, a savior..Jesus. :) :) :)
YAY!!!! Thank you Jesus!!!! :) :) :)

The dumpster arrived yesterday :) :) :) (with a bonus sanitary napkin stuck to the bottom, unused :P)
I have not touched the garage or finished the basement but it's only been a day...I had to teach a class last night, meaning I had to stop and shower and didn't get back into it when I got home.

Mike and I got to go Christmas shopping last night..we took Siler since he doesn't FULLY understand what is going on and he wouldn't tell people their gifts :) Sam, Mia, and Zach stayed with Alex.

I have totally not been focusing on Jesus , the reason for the season..

I mean, yes, I talk to him daily...somewhat get into His Words, the Bible..watch Joyce Meyer so I can hear truth..
but the actual sitting down and reaffirming what He did...humbling himself to come as a lowly human, to serve and to save us...
I cannot fathom how it felt to Mary...a virgin, giving BIRTH...in a STABLE!
I cannot imagine the celebration of visible angels and the beautiful star..

It's so weird that we hear stories about it..but it REALLY happened.

We have never read the Christmas Story from the Bible at Christmas time...
I think we might start today.
(before we open presents or I will not get anybody's attention :P)
I should probably read it from Zach's Bible :D

other than that....after children open their presents this morning...Mike and I are heading to the basement to throw his stuff away :) I hope the children's gifts keep them busy :) :) :)

tomorrow we visit his family...stress free. :)

Sunday...FREE DAY!!!!

Merry Chistmas my sweet friends....I love you a lot. :) :) :) and I hope you are having a blast with your loved ones, be it family or friends :) :) :)

this booty shot was made just for MOMSGONEGODLY..
oh my gosh, that girl turns me SILLY!

If you only knew how uncomfortable I used to be with a camera around...
but MOMSGONEGODLY requested pics and I don't give up many chances to be silly these days :P

Striking a pose :P

my super cute new black shoes :P

the back of my new watch

my watch that makes me feel so pretty :)

My precious son that was watching his Mama feel like a pretty pretty princess :D He decided to "dress up" too :)

I ordered a dumpster.
it's being delivered tomorrow
What could I possible have to get rid of THIS time?
3rd dumpster has to be the charm! :P

The first dumpster was for all the flooring
The second was for our deck
This one is JUST FOR.
Basement
Garage
I am sorry...I am usually "waste conscience" but NOT RIGHT NOW
It has to go and I don't have time to clean it up and find a home for it.

( I will probably end up posting it free on Craigslist before it goes in but if I don't, I won't have guilt :P)

So many things going on with my friends.
sickness, marriage problems, money problems, lack of sleep
I pray for healing for my friends.
A praise report on one friend's marriage..
She was at the end. Had plans to go.
She found a counselor that has figured out the issue in her husband..
(and the husband is willing to work on it)
They are on the road to healing. :)

I pray that we all remember that God supplies our NEEDS
if we don't have it right now, we don't NEED it right now.
I hope I take that into the New Year as my help

I saw this article a LOOOOONG time ago...
"Neat people get rid of neat things"
I have remembered that for a long time and it has helped me purge many NEAT things :P

so now I need to remember "IF I DON'T HAVE IT YET, I DON'T NEED IT YET" :D

Mike and I used to make our wish lists at the New Year and put them aside and check off waht we accomplished at the end of the next year....we haven't done that in a couple of years but I would like to do it again. ( now that I have an office and I can find a place to keep the list) :)

I am going to go have my first cup of coffee this morning. My sweet sweet friend mailed me a Starbuck's sampler and my house smells soooo good.

I love you friends, I really do.
(((HUGS)))

Continued from last post so you maybe want to read that first?

So I finished my last post with "I'll be quiet now" because what I was going to do was keep tooting my own horn and say "AND I "STARTED" TODAY..because I was talking about how fabulous my trying on jeans went. but I wasn't going to say it because , as always, it's TMI..I am a pro at TMI...
BUT! the reason I am saying it now..is because NOW I KNOW WHY THE REMARK AT KOHL'S BOTHERED ME SO! and everything else that was so "annoying"...

I was talking to my bestie today and she asked me if I was on my period...

oh my gosh bestie...THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME FIGURE OUT WHY EVERYTHING WAS ON MY LAST NERVE!!!

hormones hoover. :/

My friend picked me up around 5:45
we drove around while we talked
we were passing a Kohl's at 7
I asked her if she wanted to dress me like a Barbie doll
(this girl LOVES shopping...I would say "lives for it" but that's not entirely true..though she would make an excellent personal shopper and I am considering getting her a debit card from my account with her name on it, we had SO MUCH FUN!

I SWORE I would NEVER revisit skinny jeans and she got me to buy a pair....(she told me how jealous she was about how I looked in them..how could I pass them up?..gosh if you didn't really know me, I sound awful right now :P :P :P) lol

I have been wanting a pair of black tennis shoes. cute ones. not for running. not for cross training. not for Zumba. just cute black tennis shoes to wear with jeans to the grocery store. cute.
well, I got a pair of black Reebok Tone ups or whatever they are called. (they were on sale and I had a 20% off and I was tired of wanting them :P)
they had size 7 and size 8. The 8s were WAY too big and the 7s were a little snug but I thought I could handle it..
I got home and wore them around the house and they were just uncomfortable enough that for the money I spent, I was not satisfied.

we decided to take a family outing to Target. The girls and I all needed pantyhose and tights for the Nutcracker Ballet..we were all wearing pretty dresses.

while we were out I decided I would run into another Kohl's and see if they had a 7 1/2. Mike and the kids were going to run through DQ drivethrough while they had to wait for me ( I also had to try on bras..all I own are sportsbras and the pretty dress I was wearing needed something other than that :P)

Mike didn't have his phone with him..so I had no way of calling him when I was finished. It was 2:45 so I said.."let's just meet out here at 3:30"

when he pulled away I thought "you are going to stand in line at Customer Service to make an exchange, try on bras and CHECKOUT on "sale Saturday" at Kohl's the LAST Saturday before Christmas in FORTY FIVE minutes????" RRUUUUUUNNNNN! :P

so 1st stop...SHOES. they had my size...YES!!!
I am walking FAST..with a HUGE smile on my face...probably swinging my arms and possibly my behind..
walking walking..
I see an older man and lady sitting in the display massage chairs...
I smile EVEN BIGGER at them as I pass
I am thinking..
"they are so sweet, they must be tired from shopping and those chairs must feel good"
as I pass..the lady, in (what I assuming is) her most sour puss voice, asks "is there a fire?"

I am aware that doesn't sound mean..but you had to be there to hear the sarcasm...

so I am still walking fast, still smiling...but I was like "REALLY?"

[insert where I play the victim] um, yes, I have a van full of kids and a husband..it's very hard to getaway for this kind of "me time", unless it's 5am when stores are not open...I don't have family in the area that can help and it is OUTRAGEOUS paying for a sitter. Older sister, EVEN IF SHE WANTED TO HELP, is busy too..and my husband doesn't have a phone on him so I HAVE to hurry and WHY????when I just gave you the BIGGEST smile EVER do you even have to say ANYTHING at ALL much less SOMETHING SOOOOOO GRUMPY?????? (and Kristin, if you are reading this...we WILL do the babysit exchange in 2011 but I couldn't call you.I KNOW you are as busy as me right now. :P)

but I kept smiling and I kept walking fast.....
and there was a long line at Customer Service..and I kept smiling
and when I took care of the shoes...
I went to the bras
and when NONE of the bras I wanted had my size, I kept smiling
and I finally found one that would work
and then I was walking by this most gorgeous scarf
and I bought it

and I had to take Mia to get shoes..and the first two stores didn't have them
I kept smiling
The third store did..YAY PAYLESS!!!!

Got home, showered, got prettied up...
in the car...

oh here is where I have to stop my conversation with you.
Lesson learned with my first child..I should not have written everything she did...
I apologize to you and to her....well, I haven't apologized to her because we do not speak...but I would apologize to her if we did. :P

let's just say..Alex is a teenager
and there is a reason that God makes babies come out really really really cute, sweet and cuddly...because if they came out as teens...they'd never make it and humans would be extinct because nobody would ever reproduce :D
and some of you may have teenagers that have the highest amount of respect for you, their parent...and if that is the case..please count your blessing. :)

but even during our time of disrespect and her rolling of her eyes, I kept silent and continued to smile
and when we were walking to the ballet and my shoes were causing my toes to yell out because of the torture they were feeling, I smiled (it was a wincing smile by now ;p)

LOL...you know what...it keeps getting "better" and I keep smiling..
this is turning into one of those "MEET THE FOCKERS" type movies..where it just keeps coming..LOL

so I will finish with a happy summary

My friend is fabulous and she will be fabulous.
My other friend going through painful struggles is going to be fabulous
I am going to be fabulous.
I had an excellent time shopping with my girlfriend!!! we are going back on Sunday because we have KOHL'S CASH to spend :D It was sooooooo wonderful hanging with her not talking about husbands, kids, life...we were just girls...oh my gosh it was soooooo awesome!!! It was like having a sister!!!!!!!
(I was showing her new ZUMBA moves in the PETITE section :P)

and I will not brag about the size I got in but I will tell you, it was GOOD! :D Both of our mouths dropped!
AND
I will be quiet now.
:D

My friend just called me at 5:30 and asked if she can come get me because of the hurt she is going through. she is on her way. Obviously I won't share what is spoken to me..but I pray that I have ears to listen and that I keep my mouth SHUT unless they are words of healing....

I have been running crazy happy...I cannot believe how fast time flies when you are having FUN!

:) I guess it's the first Christmas without Sophia here that is getting to me
She makes me sad, angry, numb.
I , out of habit, want to say "it doesn't matter."
but obviously it matters.
I had a dream that my mom was lying on her back and I was straddling her none to nose eye to eye and I told her I hope she is happy
She lost her daughter and I lost mine
and hopefully the curse will stop here so Sophia won't lose her first daughter too.

I guess that dream tells me I still have some deep rooted anger issues.
DUH. lol
I am smiling.
I know I am on a good road. (believe it or not)
I cannot help that I had that dream
I shouldn't have let it put me in a funk.
but I did and now I know and now I have the choice on what to do from here.

I will keep moving forward.

I will appreciate the wonderful blessings I DO have. :)

(I cannot wait to get the video up of Siler doing a somersault..I don't think I talked about it on here but I know I did on facebook..it's hilarious!!! I have a goal to get it on here by 1/1/11 :P)

I am very frustrated..annoyed, embarrassed..ticked off...
wow! everything but joyful, hopeful, faithful huh?
I guess I should change that tude.

only a VERY best friend can tell me "Robbie, you have absolutely no structure in your life and THAT works for YOU!" :) (and if that sounded mean, trust me, it wasn't!)

that doesn't mean that I don't want structure, or strive for it...LORD DO I STRIVE FOR IT! but I have GOT TO QUIT BEING SUCH A WORRY BEING!

My very best friend informed me how fabulous my household is...
how amazing my children are
what a good Mama I am...

she reminded me to not play the compare game..
it's no fun
does no good

I love my friends.

and I am glad to be back. :)
Alex is sitting on the livingroom floor SURROUNDED by newspapers, cardstock, scissors, notebooks...what a mess. :P
I just took banana muffins out of the oven..oh, the sweet smell! and the taste?  even better!!! I have found the PERFECT banana muffin recipe. :D
Sam is playing her DS sitting next to Alex and her mess.
Mia just left with a friend....wearing her pajamas and snow boots...I guess that was okay? lol
Zach and Siler are wandering around the house in their undies...I put undies on Siler today...SPIDERMAN...I told him Spiderman doesn't want pee or poop on him so let me know if he has to go. :P Alex told me I should sit on Santa's lap and tell him "ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY LAST ONE POTTYTRAINED" (it would be a lie though..my list is looooong :P)

I just got the phonecall that my ZUMBA class is cancelled tonight. BUMMER! I guess that means I should limit the amount of muffins I eat. :P (maybe I should throw in one of my DVDs and see if I can follow it :P lol)

actually I can use that time to practice some new songs! :)

ok, I am going to go love on my boys...and wait for Sam to come take her turn..she is such a love bug!

home from Zumba class...
even though I have changed ALL my clothes...(down to the socks and intimates) I cannot warm up....the sweat and cold mixture. :P
BRRRR!!!!!

well, my all or nothing old self is just what it is...All or nothing.
Two weeks ago I had a "menu plan" and I followed it for 4 days..
I take that back
I followed it for 3 days and on the 4th day I didn't follow it but we did use the meat that I had set aside for meatloaf and made nachos instead.
I think we have ate out everyday since.

I'll be back later..Siler wants to cuddle :)

I am here. :)
Just running in circles with a little cloud of blah trying to hover over me
but I think I am outrunning it :P

Watched the season finale of Biggest Loser last night...it was by far the "WEIRDEST" season.

I am sitting here in a towel with wet hair..I guess I could act civilized and get dressed, grab a cup of coffee..have a quick chat with Daddy and confess what a grumpy, pouty monster I have been (on the inside, no one really knows, well, now you do :P).

yea, I'll be back. :)

:) My Saturday morning Zumba girls have requested I "kick their butts" next Saturday because the two following Saturdays are Christmas and New Year's. :) :) :) I will be working on new Zumba songs tomorrow and the rest of this week. :)

I wish I would have been recording this morning..it was soooo hilarious..I actually had tears from laughing so hard (while dancing)  *letting out a happy sigh*

well, I am utterly exhausted...Mike and I got to take Alex on a date tonight. The four young ones went to Parents Night Out. We took her out to eat and then to the mall...where Mike went his own way because we were "intimates" shopping. :p
My feet hurt.

We were at Victoria's Secret and they had this 12 perfume sampler for $25 and we had a $10 off so we are sharing ..we get 6 scents each and we each like different ones, it's so cool :)

Before she got off work, I ran to her store and bought really cute clothes for Zach and Siler...the girls took pictures of the modeling show while I was whipping up some chocolate chip cookies so I may load them up tomorrow. :) but I got lots of clothes for them, and an AWESOME blue button down shirt for me and a pair of the tall boots that Mike doesn't like but they were $1! I was like "I CAN WEAR THEM WHEN HE IS NOT AROUND!" lol..for $1!!! They are not "seductive in any way! big ol chunky heels...lol....but Alex and I will probably still call them my hooker boots just because that is what Mike calls tall boots...*rolling my eyes* :P

I have to get to bed..I didn't realize how late it is..no wonder I'm exhausted. :P Good nIght!
xoxoxoxoxoxox

I think my gift for hospitality is a thing in the past. I would love to take a "gifts" test again.

They boys and I hit the town today. :)
Famous Footwear and left with new shoes for Siler.
Walgreens and left with like 6 calendars. :P One for each daughter and one for Zachary (he said he wants to learn how to use one) and two for me..one upstairs, one down.
Gift cards for all the nieces/nephews
Walmart and left with a chocolate longjohn and some glazed donuts..and some pretty baskets to put our crafts in..I am sure a picture is coming soon on that one.
I wanted to go vacuum the van but sweet Siler fell asleep and I decided to bring him home...now that I think about it, I should try to catch a catnap.

Today is Sam and Mia's LAST DAY of school until January something!!!!
We are having a Pizza/Movie night COOL RUNNINGS!!! :) :) :)

WOKE UP AT 3AM

I think I do this every Friday now.
I think it is because I know it is my day off and I don't have to be "ON" for Zumba.

I laid in bed until 4 and I couldn't take it anymore.
I have balanced the checkbook and paid bills.
It doesn't look good but it's only because I fronted my sweet 16 year old a lot...we are going to "talk" today. :P what I mean by "talk" is "COLLECT" lol

I have had many thoughts flying through my head (as always)...
I always feel bad that I am so compassionate.
I never want to be a downer when I speak of the hungry, hurting, homeless, abused..the sex trafficking...all that stuff...but it is who I am and it is what my heart knows.
I just don't know what God would have me do with this heart except PRAY...
and yes, I have faith..God given FAITH...but do I? Faith the size of a mustard seed is supposed to move mountains...
I just feel like the mountains I want moved are SOOOO LARGE and SOOOO MANY!

Father, please bless the ministries that already have their hand in your service...feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, helping the hurting, housing the homeless....

I am not a spoiled brat. I am blessed, beyond blessed. and I am grateful beyond words.
Thank you Jesus for my husband and the gift that you gave him for the field he is in...
Thank you that the field he is in is able to support the children that you have given to us (or lent us :P)
Seriously Father...please help me get to the bottom of my heart issue of why I am not a good servant with the money you allow us...I really want to make this change but I cannot do it on my own...though I know you give us each our own allowance of self control, please help me learn how to use mine????

Thank you so much Father for the friends you have placed in my life...some that I speak to on a daily basis..and the ones that I don't really know, but I know I love them...

Thank you for my health and ability to reach people through something as fun and fantastic as ZUMBA. One friend referenced it as "magic fairy dust" LOL!!!!! all I know is it's more than "dancing"..it is healing after a hard day...it is an escape from the uglies in the world (for one hour nothing can touch you!) it is soul food..so much FUN :)

I really want to start something..it wouldn't be ZUMBA..because ZUMBA is latin inspired..it is INTERNATIONAL music...African, Indian, etc... I want to create a "universal" dance..lol Christian Hip Hop :)  I hear songs all the time that I am like "OOOHHHHHH MYGOSH THIS WOULD BE FU UN!" :)

well, anyway...those are my Friday early morning ramblings....
it is 5am.
I think I am going to wake Alex and see if she wants to sneak to QT for a hot chocolate and an early morning WalMart run. :) :) :)

Have a super blessed Friday..I am sure I will be back, but if not..have a great weekend..

I am taking the boys to school today...going to try to get some things accomplished. Wish me luck. ;)
Maybe I will call a friend for lunch :)

OK! so I was going through the Gingerbread House Excursion and I didn't know how to pick which ones to share..so I put all of them in an album that you can choose to visit or not..:P

There are a couple of pics from when we were in Effingham that I didn't feel like taking out

There is a 3 second video of Siler that you can't really see because the lighting in our livingroom is really NOT lighting..but I tried taking it of him wearing the girls' heels.

there are just silly pictures of the kids and me one night after ZUMBA and it was a pizza night..YUM! I LOVE PIZZA!

There are pictures of me trying to show you some boots I bought..and took back...Mike does NOT like tall boots...but I wanted to capture the moment that I did have them in my possession..I never really accomplished it..but it was so funny trying

so all this to warn you, there are 60plus pics but I think I captioned the ones that were maybe otherwise unexplainable why I had them? lol

it's 10pm and I am heading to bed..see you all tomorrow :)

http://picasaweb.google.com/robbieniccum/20101208?authkey=Gv1sRgCKvlq7HEsY_uPA&feat=directlink

Taking care of business. :) Be back soon. :)

I keep coming over here to type and I don't have time!!!! Maybe later tonight?

I don't know if I can watch Biggest Loser without getting the itch to run a marathon!!!! I think if I had someone who would commit to train with me CONSISTENTLY. I would SOOOOO do it! I think that is going to be my 40th year birthday present. For real.

I don't know that you will be able to understand what I am saying but I will tell you anyway.

First of all , I still have a gym membership. Even though I cancelled in September...I kept getting charged and I call every month and FINALLY this month he asks "did you come in and sign papers?" um, NOOOO! duh on me! so anyway...since I have the membership till the end of the month, I decided to go to a ZUMBA class this morning. With MY instructor.
Towards the end, she did a familiar song and I almost starting crying...it was the feeling I had over the summer..being a student, not a teacher...in an old familiar place..I smiled the entire hour...and when the hour was over I could not hold back the tears...
I told my instructor I am quitting my job so I can come back and be a student...but then I told her I realize what it is...

have you ever been to a one week camp? Or an awesome vacation? and at the end, though it's time to go...you just cry happy tears from the wonderful memories and the sadness that it's over??? I had the BEST summer taking Zumba classes from my instructor, Tracy. I love her with ALL my heart...but it's time to go and it's so bittersweet.

okay....it's time to get the kids out of bed...
I watched a part of Joyce Meyer this morning...Alex and I were CRACKING up..it was about Abraham and Sarah having their baby after Sarah had already gone through "the change" and Abraham looked down at his own 90 year old body that was almost dead itself....www.joycemeyer.org if you want to see it yourself :)

We are having chili tonight. I am going to throw it in the crockpot on LOW this morning...and I found a very simple recipe for cornbread that I will make this afternoon, before I leave for Zumba.

Biggest Loser tonight. It is by far the worst season but I will still watch...I hope Ada wins but tonight is not the finale.

ok, you have a fantastic day..DREAM BIG and NEVER GIVE UP :) :) :)
xoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxox

I.want.coffee.

it's 9:00 and the girls are actually tucked in!

Dinner made, dishes cleaned, dinner for tomorrow prepped...homework done, backpacks ready for tomorrow.
I don't know how people are responsible EVERY DAY. I am zonked. :P
I am hoping this "responsibility thing" will get me out of my constant tornado...
I am aware it is going to take more than one day :P

Dinner tonight was not a winner..but that is okay..I'll keep trying.  :)

ok, I have to go to bed.
Good night Sweet Friends.
xoxoxoxoxoxox

GOOD MORNING! ) :) :)
It's Monday :)
I am on 6 hours sleep...which I know I used to get less than that but I have spoiled myself (as it should be) getting 8. :) but it's okay...Zumba will zap some energy into me this morning. :)

Alex and I went to WalMart last night. One of those really fun 2 hour excursions. :) I love those.

I hope all is well with you all today.

TAGG, I saw your chapstick and SOOOO wanted to buy it and send it to you  :)
(it's the thought that counts)

My coffee is ready..I am going to get Bible time in with my Daddy before the little ones rise from their slumber :P

xoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

how could I forget?

Yesterday, Mike was working on a computer...with a screwdriver, taking it apart...
Siler was sitting there watching the whole time.
A little while later Zachary brings me BuzzLightyear, whose back and batteries are missing..
I walk in the boys bedroom and asked "WHO TOOK BUZZ'S BACK OFF?"
Siler, grabs a screwdriver, and with the biggest, most proud smile EVER, he yells "I DID!!!!"

Mike asked, "HE KNOWS HOW TO USE A SCREWDRIVER?"
I said "well, he IS almost 3 and he has been watching you all day."
Mike "I never thought showing him how to use a screwdriver would be a bad thing."
lol
Good News..Buzz, his batteries,his back, and his wings have all been replaced and he is in great working order...
and Siler is sooo cute. :)

Mike and I went on a date last night with two other couples. It was a lot of fun. WAAAAAAY too expensive but a lot of fun. I told them we need to gather at homes instead of restaurants.

I just ordered some cute things from Zumba.com for Mike to put in my stocking. :) My new favorite color is aqua blue...I have Zumba pants and shoelaces in that color. Zumba is selling a scarf and mittens in that color. :) and I got a new shirt that says ZUMBA INSTRUCTOR on the back. :P WHOA HO HO. :P lol

I had a margarita last night. I seriously do not know why I do that to myself. It was delicious! and I was fine, but I wake up feeling lousy..what's the point? :( :/

well, I guess I will make a pot of coffee and get on with today? Mike and I need to get a sitter and get out of here to go Christmas shopping...and then find somewhere to hide it. :)

My rolodex needs a makeover in a bad way. I don't know how old it is but I don't talk to half the people in it anymore and Lord knows most of my friends have moved in the last 4 years....(it's been almost 4 years since we left Fort Smith)

well, some of you should be getting your DVDs by now....TAGG, I didn't get yours sent until yesterday so you have a few days.

today...I woke up late for me..VERY late..it was 7:45. I leave at 8:15 to take Alex to work and get to my work by 8:45. I had to shower and get my make-up on...
I taught a class without coffee or breakfast. :/ ;p
unfortunately by the time I got home, I already had a caffeine headache....that is so scary how caffeine does that and "one of these days" I will research WHY that happens...

it's now 2:30. Mike is out skeet (?) shooting.. it has become his Saturday hobby. :) He works VERY hard during the week, I am VERY glad he has an outlet. :) This is mine. :)

well, I am going to check out some new Zumba music....
xoxoxoxxo

YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES!
:) :) :) :) :)

in my Jamaican accent.."how 'bout I draw a line down the middle of your head so it looks like a butt."
 I love Cool Runnings, the movie!!! :) :) :)

I love empty trash cans and full tanks of gas.

and I love this verse...Colossians 1:10 That you may walk (live and conduct yourselves) in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him and desiring to please Him in ALL things.

(that ALL is "something" isn't it?)

I can't go back and change anything but so many things come to my mind that I wish I could. I don't know that they would have made a difference or not?

well, choices have been made and only time will tell ..I can't change the past or predict the future soooooo.....I will reflect on Colossians 1:10 and start over today :)

It does sadden me to say this...last week I was SOOOOO excited that this is my FIRST YEAR in MANY that my New Year's resolution is NOT going to be "get healthy" or "lose weight" or whatever...I was like "YAAAAY ME!!!!" but then this morning as I was reading my Bible and just thinking....I don't think we have been to church since mid August!!! and I was like, well, we can make it our New Year's resolution to get back in the swing of things.:( I would have never thought I would be saying those words!!!!! A New Year's resolution to go to church???? well, I am saying it...and now that I have said it out loud, I am not sad anymore. I am humbled and excited. :) I know the whole term "if you wanna start something, why not now?" and maybe we could start now...and I could give you excuses why not..but I won't..we will just see. :)

My husband just stepped out of our bedroom..he is incredibly handsome and makes me smile :)
Siler just walked out behind him, jabbering away....
Mike is putting him on the potty for me...:)

I guess I should get off here and start my day...it was nice spending some of my morning with you. :)
I am going to try to get pics on here today or at least this weekend. :) I have them from Thanksgiving..the gingerbread house excursion :P

xoxoxoxoxxox

so here's what happened...
I was EXHAUSTED!!!
Siler peed in the potty TWICE today..
he called his Daddy and VERY CLEARLY told him what he did (SOOOOO CUTE!)
Daddy and I, of course, thought we should celebrate with some MADE FRESH DAILY CUSTARD. :P

picked up girls from school
ZUMBA
picked up dinner on the way home
Daddy worked late :(
took kids for ice cream

came home and the girls didn't have homework :)
Siler was BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS!
Family channel has the 25 days till Christmas
The Santa CLAUSE was on
we all watched it together
I fell asleep at the end (well, Santa was going to jail)

Movie over
Get all the kids in their own beds
Mike has to do some more work
I decide to clean the vanity in my bathroom
then I decided to declutter my office
now it is almost midnight and I am up...

I do not need ONE MORE THING in my house
but I wish I had a scanner
as I was cleaning up my office area, I came across this picture of Alexandria and Sophia that I love SOOOOOO much....I would love to share it with you..
we had many happy times. :)
gosh that seems like an ETERNITY ago.

I have piles of paper to get rid of, piles of clothes to put away
Alex has a load in the dryer that I can't decide if I feel like folding or not.
She waits until she has MANY dirty clothes and Stuffs my EXTRA CAPACITY over its capacity :P
I am not complaining..she does her own laundry.

I better go down and start my dishwasher.
I want to take more trash out but hello, it's 29 degrees out and I am sitting here in my shirt and panties (TMI sorry!!!)

I had quite the adventure with PBS online today. it's a long/short story. I may have to tell it tomorrow, or never..but Zach thought he was going to have to play a game for a year straight...that is the punchline. and it is a funny punchline if you know the whole story.

Mia wants a locket in her stocking with a picture of Mike and me.
If we Christmas shop within our budget..
I am not even going to finish that thought..
we are blessed. we are blessed. we are blessed.

Mike is finished with his work. I am going to start the dishwasher and go to bed...LOL!!! I will probably crawl in bed in an hour and he will be sawing logs. :P lolololol..

xoxoxoxox Good Night :)

I have such awesome friends. I don't know where I'd be without y'all.

it's THURSDAY!!!

My FAVORITE day of the week :) I get the put the trash out!!!! :) :) :) I LOVE taking trash to the curb!!!! :) :) :)
It's also my last day to teach Zumba until Saturday. I love my Friday breaks! as much as I love dancing I love my day off :) just because it's not in the back of my mind. :)

soooo, let's see...nothing new today :) I am going to go love on some boys :)
I hope your Thursday is smooth sailing :)

xoxoxoxoxxo!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) :)

The chances of JUST A DREAM being the last song on my blog before I hit "NEW POST" and the first song to come on after I hit "POST" are slim and of course, it happened. I need to remove the song from my playlist. but for the record, "IF YOU EVER LOVED SOMEBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP" :)

If the song wasn't so darn depressing, it would make a perfect Zumba warm up or cool down. :P
ok, I'm going.

It's 9:05. Time to go on a date with my hubby..watching Stormchasers on Discovery channel. :P
I got most of the DVDs in the mail...yes, Melissa, one is for you. :) TAGG, if you would like one I just need you to e-mail me your address to robbieniccum@charter.net.

Christina...your Facebook message just popped up as I was typing this but I am not responding right now because if I don't get my hiney in the other room I will miss my date with Mike. We will talk tomorrow, I'm sure.

Love you all...xoxoxoxoxo Good Night :)

it's so weird having a blog, a journal, friends that I want to keep in touch with...and yet not feel free to say what I feel or want to say...
basically my heart was shattered. but if you ask certain people, it doesn't matter..it's just me always wanting to play the victim. yes, because playing the role of the victim is SOOOO much fun. :)
whatever. it's done.
I once again am aware that I am ONLY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN ACTIONS!!!
and I want my actions to please God..I really want Him to SMILE when He thinks of Robbie Niccum and I think He does, the majority of the time. :) :) :)
I was journaling ( in my private "real" journal :P) this morning and I was telling God that I don't know how to hand Him this hurt. Though I know He is right here with me and he wants to take it for me and help me through it, I really really really didn't know how to just give it to Him.
I had my Bible in my lap because I was going to look over the verse thatmost of our family memorized..1 Peter 3:8-12...I was going to remind myself that we are to live in harmony with others..we are to love as brothers, be sympathetic, compassionate, and humble...forgiving and all those good things....
well, after speaking to my Father who is always there to listen to me...I look down and see "Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good?" and EAGER jumped out at me....
I AM eager to do good! Everyone who knows me knows that!
The next line says "but even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed."

well, there you go. Thank you Jesus. I am BLESSED. and forgiven for being awful and adlibbing to live in harmony even if the rest of the people are being a__holes. I am just being honest..I will never make you think that I think I am holier than thou..I am very human and have very real feelings that DO matter.

in other news...doing an hour of Zumba and then eating a huge bag of peanut butter M&Ms for lunch on a somewhat empty stomach is not the wisest choice I could have made today.

I was at the post office yesterday and noticed a FED EX box in front of it and it made me chuckle.

I have completed a one hour ZUMBA DVD that I am sending to my out of town friends as Christmas gifts...I am hoping to get those in the mail today.

I am trying to not be my normal Christmas scrooge this year...it is my first year that is SURE to be WITHOUT drama :) So that is a plus and a great start. :)
The five children are getting one gift each and then Santa will probably leave one thing for the family.

I have given Mike my list here and there..they are the best gifts I could ask for...like one of those flashlights that stays on a plug in charger so it is always accessible and charged. A dumpster so we can throw everything away...stuff like that. :)

I think I am getting a bike hitch attached to his car( through U-HAUL)...I wish I could do it without him knowing about it..but I don't think I could pull that off. :P

We are spending Christmas in Effingham with his family. I was sad when I heard about it at first..because I really dislike the rushing around on Christmas morning...so I just told them...we are not rushing on Christmas morning....I would like to have a nice breakfast without rushing. I would like to take a nice hot shower without my heart palping from rushing...I told them they do not have to wait for us to eat and yea, that's that :) win win :) :) :)
After all that..I started thinking we could actually do our Christmas on Christmas Eve and go ahead and get there on time to be with everyone else. :P well, we'll see..at least we don't HAVE to rush because I already told them we aren't..

well, I need to get these DVDS in their envelopes and look up everyone's addresses and all that jazz....I have missed you all. I caught up on your blogs but I was on a different computer that wouldn't let me COMMENT. :/ the nerve! :P

Before I go, you just have to know that I am on a journey of healing...it is going to be rough..I am going to have great days and not so great days...some days I will be understanding and compassionate..other days I am going to be really hurt and some days I will be really angry...but what I know, is I want this done, once and for all...seriously...OPERATION BIG GIRL PANTIES, ON!